Double agent

I’m an assassin of truth; I’m a double agent 

I hide in the shadows, as my lies I invent

I play two opposing roles that contradict 

My double dealing leads me into conflict 

My identity is fluid; I work undercover 

I rapidly switch between traitor and lover 

adopting many strange and incompatible positions 

unable to reconcile contrasting propositions 

I know what’s right, and know what I should do 

but like a moth to the flame, I’m attracted to 

a dangerous and destructive fiery light 

and I find myself choosing wrong instead of right 

I’m constant but capricious 

trusting yet suspicious 

I’m truthful but mendacious 

staid and yet outrageous 

I’m thoughtful but unfeeling 

hidden yet revealing 

I wound instead of healing 

I’m standing when I’m kneeling 

I live a double life both awake and in my dreams 

What you think you see of me is not what it seems 

Beneath this cool surface I’m a mine of contradictions 

Don’t be too surprised when I confound your predictions 

You can tell me by the ways my mind is always changing 

An identity crisis that is constantly rearranging 

I’ve build my foundations on shifting sands 

with my two faced double standards and the blood on my hands 

Steve Wheeler © 10 July, 2020 

This poem first appeared in the collection Sacred (2020) by Steve Wheeler

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