Daily Mail in the style of John Cooper Clarke

i'd rather brave a force ten gale 

be swallowed by a humped back whale 

or grab a tiger by its tail 

than read a page from the daily mail 

i'd sooner fight with christian bale 

or pick my teeth with a rusty nail 

after eating several uncooked snails 

than read a page from the daily mail 

i'd rather wear top hat and tails 

while searching for the holy grail 

or watch a full season at port vale 

than read a page from the daily mail 

i'd sooner learn to swear in braille 

while eating bags of uncooked kale 

ride cattle class on the network rail 

any of the above would prevail 

over having to read the daily mail 

Steve Wheeler © 10 September, 2020

This poem was first published in Urban Voices by Steve Wheeler, Wheelsong Books, 2020.

Photo from Wikimedia Commons